[reflection]: About My Country, and My Faith

I have written a post in Facebook, defying a lot of authoritative concerns about the anti-government sentiments which my parents forewarned me (they monitored my Facebook and tell me not to post several things, including my relationship status). In this case, I felt that as a Malaysian and also a Christian, I found the recent occurrence in Malaysia something difficult to articulate. So I raised my post - to find like-minded people responding to the event. It may seem lengthy though, but I thought it deserves repeating:

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"A question for those who share my faith - looking at this event, and understanding the standpoint of the peace rally much akin to Berlin 90s and African American in South US rally in late 80s, how would you respond to Bersih 3.0, and putting your faith in responding to the event?

Especially those who were bred and buttered in Malaysia, how would you put your faith as a basis in responding to Bersih 3.0, albeit the sentiments of unprecedented unfairness you might face on individual accounts?

I kept myself silent long enough to not react rashly towards such politics, but between the line of restrained trust in eventual justice and almost berserk-like hurls of pro-activism, the balancing act proved a lot more draining, especially when I personally faced injustice upfront.

If articulation and constant dependency of believing that 'Thy kingdom comes' (just like the national anthem of Malaysia - 'Tuhan kurnia-kan') lives among us, perhaps we better learn that whatever that is at stake - justice and fairness in governance - God watches us all. And perhaps, there might be hope in believing, like Martin Luther King - "I have a dream... that we are free at last!" - that this peace rally is a wake-up call for all of us, remembering that we don't live each day just to get by.

You may not agree, and you might even reject. Whatever it may be, I'll be honest - I struggle with this too.

Something to think about... not only for us, but for our generation's to come. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyYUMoacPog&feature=share"

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Upon sharing I felt quite liberated, yet disturbed. As young, I have taken some interest in reading stories about the Berlin wall fall and the peace rally in South US (Texas) when Martin Luther King showed the world the cruelty of immoral and corrupt governance. Mom always warned me not to be engrossed in such readings (though she secretly read these details with equal interest. In the later part of the year we sit side-by-side as pro-reformalist), but I realized as days gone by, truly as Christians we must address the issue of social injustice here on earth, even though our citizenship eventually will be in Heaven with Christ. 

C. S. Lewis wrote something before about the Christians contributing on earth even though they blatantly refuse allegiance to any earthly force and authority. Defying all odds, hospitals and hospices were built because Christians believed in human dignity and human suffering as a means of ministry for those to be departed and to be healed. And the monumental act of justice, in the form of mercy and grace showered through various nations because of the belief of a small group of Christians congregating together to pray for the souls of the lost. In those prayers, God poured our His spirit in the hearts of man the reality of human injustice and practical means against them. 

Reading the peace rally conducted by this amazing lady Ambiga Sreenevasan, I started to learn a little bit about her past and her contribution to society. If it rings any bell to my US friends, she received International Woman of Courage Award in 2009, handed to her by US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. And for the benefit of my Christian friends, she fought hard for a case for a Muslim convert to Christian back in 2007 (the outcome was a granted apostasy of Lina Joy being a Muslim). For your information, in Malaysia, Muslim is an automated religion subscribed for ethnic Malays. So should anyone convert from Muslim to Christianity, the moral and religious backlash and discrimination was evidently prevalent - especially for ethnic Malay. This is one of the grey area that made Ms. Ambiga fought hard for religious equality. Though personally I struggled to embrace religious equality, I do believe the image of Copts Christians in Egypt protecting their Muslim counterparts while praying on a Friday afternoon in 2010 speaks of our commission given by Christ Himself - love your neighbor as yourself. It was Christ who first demonstrated the Love of God in the form of a human, and to touch the lives of millions of people searching for a meaning in life. 

This is the video of Ms. Ambiga who told of the post-Bersih 3.0 and her articulation of what has happened. Something to think about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vi6sFm-RYxg

We lived in a world ruled by so many injustice and unfairness. We humans failed to live upright with accountable stewardship and transparent governance to our younger generation. Due to the innate character mischievously cultivated by the princes of the world (devils and the evil ones), we let the best of our sinful nature decides - and eventually lead down the path of unrighteousness. And true enough - even on a peace rally akin to Bersih 3.0 (just type Bersih 3.0 in youtube for you to understand what's going on), you can't deny the portrayal of human weakness and our sinful nature. Not all the motivation that led to the rally were noble and moral. But yet - when I think of myself being a Christian - and still dabbles in pornography and my personal distaste towards my sinful lifestyle, I felt ashamed thinking how much the sinful nature obstructs God's vision for us as Christians - spread the Gospel till the end of the world, and reach out for the lost. 

Would you, therefore, spend a moment in silence and in prayer for the reflection of the state of social justice in the world wherever you are at, and give some time to let God speak to you, of what He will impart of you?

[short update]: yay! finally I can blog from home!

I wondered what Xanga did, but now I can blog at home - and that gave me a lot more reason to be more active and prudent in my occasional reflection. Yay! Thank God for this avenue.

Been reading Screwtape Letters, and I made it a point to read it as slow as a chapter a day, reading the same chapter twice - once in the morning and once at night.

Hope this will be helpful.

[reflection]: healing through faith

In purpose we try hard to reach for ultimate living, and most of the time, the further we go, the farther we disengage ourselves within - and the gradual steps of futility cast over us like we are the worst among all. Sometimes, I felt that living in such a life bounds to meet with inconsistency or even pretentious fluency.

I thought about life in general, in the past months, and I felt so difficult to comprehend the meaning of life after all. We live in a time when North Korean has initiated some high profile defiance towards western nations - in living with its ideal of communism and pursuit of kingship upon the world. We live in an era where whilst many of the developed countries are having luxurious branding of lives (while living in agony because of materialistic endeavors) - people of similar age are living fearfully each day wondering if today's the last day they would ever see the face of their loved ones in third world countries. We live in a world where prominence of transparent and democratic governance didn't lead us into righteousness and fairness - but well fed into the notorious desires of selfishness from the citizens voting, "He is not doing enough for our neighborhood"; such shouts hardly become a notion of fairness and justice, and yet this is the nation where we see impartiality. 

When I reach home every day from work, I felt so tired. Simply tired. The world where we live in is such a mess. I went to work in the morning, being healthy and hopeful for the day ahead (especially when I am getting closer to doing what I enjoyed as a sound engineer) and to have my superior reprimanding about my work ethics but ignore blatantly on the work effort put into. And when I was onsite on work installation and started my deployment, I was appalled by the inhuman treatment my client gave towards the construction workers - people my client thought to be third-rated and do not deserve the same human treatment. "Better be a dog" - though not a statement mentioned, but you could see the face of those dejected Bangladeshi, Pakistani, Indian and Burmese being left out - and was expected to have lunch hour for only 20 minutes whereby their superior and clients could enjoy a meal at Han's restaurant for a good hour with proper seats and arrangement. Above all, when I went away to do another service fault, I was aghast to experience the treatment my client treat me - as if I am less than human. Expect immediate result - but he will go out for a drink with his friends while I work late to solve a problem onsite.

At times, at my bed, when I reflect about the hardness in life, I wondered if there's a meaning in enduring these all. Despite the high position I took in my work place (something that justifies my graduate posting), I often wonder how would my colleagues and my clients react if they were to know that I could have held a better prospect working comfortably in a cubicle elsewhere, with good air-conditioning and excellent benefit in work provision. I could take medical leaves whenever I want to, and take holidays should I felt burnouts. And true enough, that was what I undertook when I first join workforce in my previous company. Good treatment, great benefit, more human treatment.

And in me I felt very uncomfortable. If we were to call to live as those who are poor, heartbroken and dejected, how are we to appreciate the beauty of grace that God bestowed upon us first? The grace that is given is indeed something inconceivable in human logic. Why would God condescend Himself to be used by humanity - especially when He created them? 

My experience in this workforce has been something mentally drained. Each day I listened to the difficulties of my colleagues with regards to how the clients see us. How inhuman they seem to treat us - and yet we have to bring a smile upon them to tell them that we would do all our best in serving them well. At times the fake smiles came with after a huge out-pouring of our heart to the four sided wall - thinking that they are the only sympathetic ones that bothered to hear you, albeit their silence. 

Reading stories of Martin Luther King, Mother Theresa and eventually the walk through of Christ in the early A.D. taught me something important - this path of humility that I have chosen was not an initiation that I came about to brag on my compassion - it is an example walked by our forefathers that, in faith and nothing else, followed through the humble path that God undertook - because of the condescending mercy that He has poured on humanity - in His accord, not us.

We, who have sinned and fall short of the glory of God - we have veered far and wide from His path for us - we need to unlearn our pride of righteousness (which is like a piece of undergarment stained in our defecation) and relearn the humble path that Jesus has first demonstrated for us. If there's any lesson we who are the Christians and believed first in Him, read again the gospel of John in its totality, and much can be learned from there - the humility that Christ encouraged us to exhibit. 

As I end today, I wondered if I have learned to become humble and be a better person. Immediately it struck me to realize how much pride that question brings me. Hence, I need to start reflecting in life - and let God reveal the sinfulness I continued to lavish without knowing.

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Anyway, just for an update: I haven't been able to update much for the past weeks as I was busy with high profile projects. However, as times go, I realize that there is a need to remain committed in blogging and writing down my thoughts. Personally I think that this is a good practice, and it definitely would be helpful to pen my thought (since I am not much a speaker but a writer) and reflect upon what God has for what I have gone through.

Personally there's a lot of struggle in my journey in faith. I have been pretty much 'alone', though I continue my routine to church (in fact, the church service is the only reason that root myself in Christ). I have been finding difficulties meeting up with my cell group due to different commitments and on recent notes I realize how important it is to keep commitment no matter what. Please pray on this matter for me.

Lastly, I have been learning to draw myself away from sexual temptation and casual flings. It is a start, however - because this habit is something that needs accountability, I think it would take a huge amount of effort and willingness on transparency for me to be very honest, so I think I may need prayer to find back the accountability that I have previously with my mentor (if it is going to be another person, I'll pray that he will grant me mercy and favor and also portraying the reality of his weakness to make me realize that my mentor is also a broken man in need of God's grace). In all sense I pray that things will be in His favor ultimately, and hope that God will show His way to me, even if it is going to be something difficult for me. 

In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.