[reflection]: a deep reading on modern work culture

A heavy read after a lunch time really woke me up a lot in the sense.

Your Lifestyle Has Already Been Designed (The Real Reason For Forty-Four Hour Workweek)

Food for thought indeed. Am I already accustomed myself to this culture that I, too, am influenced by the consumerism culture induced due to the work place?

[short note]: probably a disappointing day

probably, it is a disappointing day.

and after so much trespasses, this has come to pass. i thought of it merciful though.

but really. the night didn't end well. the feedback was hard. and the phone conversation was hard to absorb the hostility.

it could be just me in the end. but i felt, helpless. truly, i did something really wrong on this.

[short note]: my most treasured friendship with colleagues of SPECTRUM

I thank these fighters from SPECTRUM. Their dedication has meant a lot as engineers for our specialist group. And I thank Ilham, for all of his efforts for the company and the people around him. His occasional inside jokes really cracked us up, and his matured insights when we discussed important issues at work. I commemorate him for his last day today in SPECTRUM. On 30th June, it would be my last for SPECTRUM. Tonight perhaps is the most treasured memory I had for years.

Above all, through thick and thin, I believe we have grown more in this company - perhaps more than many of the other department staff. I am proud to have known you all.

From Left: Ifraq, myself, Don, Ilham (today's his last day), Jenny, Arvin, Ramesh, Peng Yee (he has left us a month ago), Ramil

[short note]: don't look back in anger

In all circumstances, you can remain angry for valid and righteous reasons.
But after all that comes and go, learn from it and move on.

Don't let the memory enslaves you and binds you to punishments.
Usually we let the already weakened enemy gained the foothold too easily.

Don't look back in anger. Whatever hurt, sorrow, regrets you have,
If ever willing, let those be chapters of the book called 'Lifelong Learning'.

So after knowing and learning from your mistakes, move on,
Let go and be a better, wiser man.

~ humming the tune of Don't Look Back in Anger by Oasis, strangely after a difficult day at work at a church and another an education institutions. Sometimes, it is those places that really split your mind open to see much more. 

[reflection]: to come back to where i belong

Several years back, I made the decision to leave a job relevant to my education achievement in pursuit for something meaningful to what I always believe in achieving. When I come to a company relatively new in the industry of professional sound, I was being told of the path of applications for various disciplines in order to get there. In the midst of going through this journey, I met too many setbacks to describe them within a post. Nevertheless, to look back, I have gained much perspective and decide not to make the same decision to pursue my interest again, and decide to find my path back to security.

I find it difficult though, now that I am at the same crossroad again. Yes, many have commented about my stupendous courage to leave behind a job that has begun to bear fruit in management and resource allocation. Some good ol' colleagues, to whom I felt great affinity to, happened to change their attitudes towards me just because of my recent promotion. I felt like the wild booming flower in a huge jungle at times.

In addition, the scope of work given to me doesn't seem to justify anymore the interest that I used to pursue. The more I tried to force my agenda to it, the more lethargic I am, and in the end, the more value I sacrificed, in the name of interest. Which I now realized I am actually blinded by the pursuit of the dream. In the end, I didn't achieve much of it. The dream, anyway, is half-baked. To be the best sound engineer in the company, which theoretically, is not actually a sound engineer. It is an application engineer who happened to be familiar with sound installation from the surface level.

Now that I have already served 3 months of my notice, many thoughts came in. The biggest in question is actually the job application. So far, I have only gotten one that told me that they want me but negotiating on price package. The manager who interviewed me has warned me of the possibility of salary reduction to almost $1000 as I am considered new in this trade. The other consideration would be that this is a line extremely stream-lined in audio (Harman distributor in Singapore - Mahajak SKM). A cross-border company that has a lot of history of professional audio distribution. My role is mainly pre-sales and advisory to post-sales. Lots of consideration as well on workload, though my manager has told me that it is definitely way better than when I am in my present company (several weekends burned, almost 80% for the previous 2 years).

I grew accustomed into thinking as we move to other companies, we tend to also grow in convenience and money security, since this is indoctrinated by secular culture. I was also conflicted by the interest to pursue this interest in sound more - yet at a salary package that is lower than expected.

While in the shower, I gather a lot of thoughts about life and what I have been doing, and one prominent thought came to me. As my salary increased, my sense towards life for what matters most tend to nullify, and my fleshly desire were strongly tempted. Like David enticed by Bathsheba in voyeuristic endeavors, I had my fair shares of indulgence and getting away thinking that I can earn it back easily. In that chain of thought, I count this job as a good starting point of humility. A pursuit in interest, along with a starting point to humility.

I do hope that when the call comes next week to discuss about the package, the money becomes the secondary concern. The main concern I would imagine is the consistency of character to uplift the spirit of Christ-likeness in the market place.