I have to admit, the frequency for blogging has tremendously decreased in time. Probably because I have gotten past the age of technology (which, surprisingly, I am not enthusiastic in Facebook - though I have an account of my own, and Twitter - in which I haven't tried at all). And, probably because I have, subtly, grown past the age of rants and all those dramas.
Of course, my gradual deterioration of my physical health tends to distract me from being so concentrated on my inner health. I used to believe, too, that by ranting I can get better and healthier. Apparently, the aging is not that kind. I don't know, maybe it is just me. I am just 26, after all.
I have been thinking about the need for frequent visitation on blogs, friends and others for that matter - and I realize that all these hoo-hahs are actually part of the 'fad' thing. It is good to keep ourselves up to date with other people's lives and such, but most of the time we don't really get to talk about it, at least for me.
I know of friends who maintained blogs, but I don't really get to talk to them when I met them face to face. Well, besides, those that I frequent are actually net friends, who I know I won't get to meet/chat with them directly. My introversion doesn't help as well - the tendency to want to draw strength from being alone/in a small company doesn't help too. Sometimes, I rather be voyeuristic on forums rather than being a participants. It's only when I have strong conviction on certain items - then I will decide to message the person directly (via mailbox or comment, but that's also quite rare).
So, having said this, I felt that my infrequent blogging has kind of disperse my social circle (net friends in particular). I don't get to interact much with people. I did quite often with my colleagues at Panasonic, but even so, they are not the ones I will stand in to talk about my personal life. Even if they invite, I know that there are a lot about me that I would rather share with intimate friends, rather than colleagues who wanted to know me better, genuinely. However genuine they may be, their quick advices based on their belief and their strong principles in life more often collide with mine. As much as I want to be open about life and the possibility of better/solid principles better than mine - I tend to think they are more concern in telling me what they feel, rather than being a listening ear.
With that in mind, I just think that my other solace/comfort (which is on the web zone) seems to similarly deteriorate in terms of allowance for personal space endeavors. The dramas, definitely are lesser. Not different from when I was in my Uni-years, but less inclined to describe an event dramatically. Much more reflective, less concentration on events; more concentration on values, virtues, principles, and what's inside. Back to the basics, I learnt - from friends that I know along the way.
This probably explained why I gradually moved from seeking too much comfort from trying to get more recognitions in what I write about to just being honest with myself and be more open to my struggles in life. And yes, me being a Christian sometimes allowed myself some narcissistic comments from blogspheres. Honestly, I faced fascism (quite a strong word, but that's true) from those who shared my belief, especially those of authority - but well, sometimes, it is those who know me the best that gave me the liberty to be who I know I should be. Till this day, I still find comfort in relating to them and in humility (I got to admit, it is difficult at times), I learned to apply their compassions and their embrace towards people that I know should benefit from this.
Hence, I hope friends that I know of (be it recent or a while back; be it with friends in real life or net friends (equally real as well, they are of real human being using blogs, MSN, Gmail talk as their tools of communications); be it those who shared my belief or not) will understand my recent infrequent blogging habit, and even Facebook-ing. I think, for the most part, I am learning to experience life where I am, with struggles real into my face, temptations hitting me, and learn to deal with difficult friends and my own insanity at times when I have moments with friends.
Whew...
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