Whenever I come to a certain location, and I happened to see the remnant of the back-image of a person I used to date, grief comes to me - uninvited and stronger.
Sometimes the paralysis caught me off-guard, considering the fact that I have actually moved on with another lady who I have wanted to see as my future wife. We are in the middle of deciding.
But the strong urge to rekindle, like an unfinished business - left me dangling.
God, I have sinned.
Have mercy...
2 comments:
Create in me a clean heart, O God,and renew a right spirit within me..The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.(Psalm 51:10, 17)As you are enabled to have the trembling, humble & repentant heart of the tax collector (Luke 18), God is ready to pour out abundant grace, for in Christ, there is grace that is greater than our all sin. James 4:1-10. (Of course, that heart is full proof of God's grace being poured out upon us in the first place!)The grief may come, uninvited and stronger, but be careful not to feed it. Don't take the fire into your bosom, or linger at the wine ~ Prov. 6:27; Prov. 23:30-32. Guard your heart and take every thought captive.
Dear Karen,Greetings. Many thanks too for your willingness to still follow my post despite my sporadic appearance (even in this case: prolong absence). All all times, your message still carries value to me, like a beacon... no, more like a lamp-post in the middle of my journey that carries a sign post just right underneath the spot where it shines - that tells me where I am supposed to head towards.I won't qualify myself to say that I am a pilgrim - for a pilgrim still incessantly cling on to the promise of God despite his hardship; but I would see myself as a prodigal, though more so because of my recent year of trying to inhibit grief by diverting the attentions.There's a long story of what I have been doing (which I intend to open up and reveal when the time is right and I am truly sane enough to write a testimony without much sugar-coating (or dramatising), but it would be suffice to say that this year I have thought a lot to realize how far I have been behind the days when I am really imbecile.Perhaps, in my foolish I found that I have yet to overcome the grief and still moving on to think that life still doesn't matter. It was in recent days when I really missed my current girlfriend so much that I found my ways of overcoming guilt and grief overcast my mental ability to rationalise various real-life matters.My presence in worshipping in my present church has also been sporadic as a result of my inconsistent behaviour after recovery from my grief-guilt-overcoming-process. Nevertheless to say, this is a bad experience, and the period has to be stopped.Yes you are right, and I will learn step by step. With the help of you all, the servants of God. Amen.
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