I never thought that such calling from God would be actually called to be coincidental.
In fact, I used to believe that when there are a lot of similar coincidence, I always concluded that it was God trying to tell me something. Especially when the coincidence happened like every moment I do something.
But thanks to this subject in my university that I took on the previous semester that I have just finished, it actually questioned the coincidence regularity. Could it be the fact that I actually anticipate it, and even though to normal person's view that is not coincidental, my mind could relate the otherwise?
A stark question, but the more I think of it, the more absurd is the question.
For example - how would you think of coincidental? Unless you were in my shoe, you would not see the coincidental right? So when you say it is actually an anticipated consequences by me, shouldn't a coincidence be the same for you? We may have different occurence, but you have your different view on coincidence compared to mine, and how could I judge your coincidence?
I did not question my lecturer on this, but somehow, by coincidence - because I thought of the question during the class, and somehow, someone manage to ask this.
I would account it as premonition, but the answer was totally unexpected.
"You could be right, son. Coincidence is subjective, and it really boils down to how a person think of it as. I think of it as an anticipated outcome, and unless the coincidence stretches beyond my thinking reasoning, I would dub it as just a normal anticipated outcome."
It seemed to me - he conceded defeat. Or was it just me?
You see, for me - the coincidence is such a wonderful yet deadly thing. Or rather, it is a double edged knife. It could be exhilirating if you manage to see the person you like on a place you least expect him/her to be, but it would be awkward if you see him/her with his/her partner together. For example, I mean.
But either way, the point is clear - I believe that when coincidences happen, it happened for a reason, and I attributed to God's intervention.
I wasn't intending to go out yesterday, because I was quite tired. A trip from Malaysia back to Singapore is not something I intend it to be, because I would rather stay in Singapore and do nothing. But a duty has to be done, and I need to go back, visit my parents, and my buddies - before going back to school to deal with the administration, and the work.
The night time, I decide to kill off the time by doing some shopping. I was intending to get a punkish cap - those baseball hat with funky type of design I meant. So of all the choices that come to me - I chose to go westward to Boon Lay - Jurong Point instead.
Whilst on my way - I was very much tired - something kept on attacking my mind. It is with regards with my sexual habits.
How come, whenever I come back to Malaysia, I felt distasteful about those masturbation and thoughts of such, but when I reached Singapore, there is no such hindrance.
Furthermore, I kept on thinking, trying to do alot of reasonings (thanks to the subjects that I took) thinking could there be a deeper longing that I felt I want more - more than just those habitual things that I have been doing so far?
A chance came up to me when I reached a LIFE bookshop. I haven't visited the Christian bookstore for a long time.
The first thing that struck me when I start entering is - 'Turn off your MP3 player." I heard this voice.
It was by God. This is the first time that I heard such prompting.
It has been a while. So I guess I must heed it. You could also say - it was my gut feeling that told me I need to switch off my MP3 player. But anyway, I went in. The first book that caught my attention is the book 'The Samson Syndrome". I wasn't very much interested, so I just skim through the synopsis.
"Read the page that you would open to."
Being surprised by that sudden voice, I decided to open.
Lo and behold, the page that I read, was talking about dealing with lust.
I was quite troubled, since I was thinking about what actually bothers my sexual drive so much. And now I saw it coming. Initially I thought, it could be just a normal coincidence. I don't intend it to be.
I put the book back, thinking of other books that I could use for my spiritual growth. I saw another book, a book by John Piper - I forgot the title, something about Living out a Christian life.
"Open again."
I did not read the synopsis, since the calling prompted me. And again, it is about lust control.
I put the book back. I was horrified by such occurence.
You see, whenever I go to a bookstore (you guys may be surprised but I like to visit bookstores), I would always handpick books to read, and at least I will read like one chapter just to get the feel of how the author writes. And, it has never been the case whereby, I will open a random page, and happen to read across the same thing through different books. If there are specific books that I am looking for, I would definitely browse through similar pages, but that is after I skimmed through the content, and find what I am looking for.
This is an exception.
I distrust the coincidence. I try another book again.
Another book on Christian leadership. I randomly open a page.
"Stop at it. Read the page".
Again, it is about lust.
That was a time when I start to consult God, "God, You got something to tell me? Let me hear."
"Use the money you have to buy the books that I will prompt you to buy."
I was attracted by the book The Samson Syndrome by Mark Atteberry.
"Don't hestitate."
I took the book, and then I look around, see if there are any other book. God did not say any other things much, so I choose another book that has got to do with Christian living and how to be a good brother to other people (the title is somewhere along that line).
I put the book in my room after I was done with the shopping, and because of the tireness, I decided to sleep and read the book the next day.
And I chose to read this morning while eating breakfast. I shouldn't have done it.
As I read, I was so traumatised by how true the things that he wrote that spoke alot about me. I was already fazed by how much times I tried to be rebellious, and having a distorted mind, not knowing that I actually enjoyed it rather than trying to stick to what God wants me to do. No wonder He prompted me that day to read it.
I will continue reading it - while also continuing my other businesses... and update about the book soon. It captivated me more than Max Lucado and John Bevere so far.
No comments:
Post a Comment