I guess, when you are about mid-20s, you are also wondering if you are able to get someone who can remain as your partner for life. And it is true to say that sometimes, it can get a bit over-the-heat.
I prayed a prayer that was very bleak. Not sure about the humility, but it was my honest self. I told God, I am letting go. With all that I can think of, I just don't want to think and consider.
On my birthday, when I am about to settle some claims for my recent overseas trip (China and Japan), I happen to be interested on the new claim cash accountant.
Honestly, I don't think this is right, and I have talked to trusted friends about this. And as much as I felt the intense strong attraction, I know I shouldn't be entertaining those emotions. And the fact that she was also friendly to me gave me a sign to take note of the pace.
So I think, I told myself, distance is important. Because - before you get into a relationship you need to know the person well enough.
I told myself, I am going to have a smart girlfriend, who walks with God, and being faithful to His Words.
But I don't know about her as of now well enough. And I am struggling.
A good friend suggested that if I cannot handle the friendship FIRST, then don't bother reciprocate the emotions. It will lead to disastrous effect. Honestly, I went through that... with my ex. 3 days of bullet train.
Another suggested that as of what he sees of me, he knows I am on a wreak journey. My work recently escalates to immense pressure, and I have to persist myself to work on weekends. That gives me a strong reason why this recent attraction is like a dose of ecstasy - a temporal hiding from the reality.
I think they are true. And I want to ask that I would be helped. Because attractions really do happen.
Lord, I don't think I can really get into a relationship with her yet. She is a really nice girl, but I am not sure if she is meant to be as a gift for me. With all that is happening now, I am not so sure that I could get attached. But I treasure her as a person, so I decide to give this emotions to You. But You know my indecisive heart. Just like a hypocrite, I could cite my prayers without a pang of conscience hit. And I assume I will do well.
I had enough of trying to clean up the outside. And I am struggling too to know that I like a person who I am not sure if she is sharing my belief (or that she could sincerely). So I pray this prayer. I submit my heart. And it is still not fully.
I know I am still holding back some. And I know that I am eager, as much as her, to call up every moment just to hear the voice. But the voice that I should hear is of You - through the 2 buddies who I love, through the Word that reminded about unequal yoke, through the examples of mixed marriage - most importantly through the example of my failure during my first. So... one day at a time, I need to learn to submit my heart - day by day. This is a struggle that I need to learn to TRUST and OBEY. Thank You Jesus.
I will talk with my counselor soon. He needs to hear this.
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