[work]: expectation

i learned something important today...

 

i had a manager who i admired a lot and also was kinda my mentor during the days when i need technical help.

today, i was explaining to him (out of advisory friendship) on my recent problem-study in work. i spend the entire saturday and half of my sunday to study with an attached engineer from china. that includes also my friday and my monday.

 

japan team was quite impressed with china's progress on problem study. that is a huge plus point: considering how japan and china had quite a strained relationship in any field, regardless.

so i was quite emotionally affected when this manager in my working place actually had differing point of view.

 

he was expecting a 100% problem solving within the trip. knowing fully well that we have pending technical difficulties that need longer time.

and i kept him accountable, not because he is in charge of my work progress. i simply let him know as a friend, what i am doing.

 

his words are hurtful and demeaning. very intolerable. and scolded at my inability to complete.

knowing well that no one else in the entire company would want to acquire the responsibility to improve.

 

i am angered. i am hurt, but most of all, i am disappointed.

such a friend. such a remark. such a letdown.

 

it took me a trip back home, to sit in front of my study desk, to realize: no point arguing.

i felt hurt. but if what i am doing is to feed into his expectation of 100% problem solving, then i think there's no point.

 

and the expectation brought me to mind something that i wrote while i was in japan, towards my last day in my recent japan trip:

"gratitude comes from defeat of a purpose, and surrendering that purpose, letting go, and let opportunity knocks."

 

i think, we all are grumpy at times because we want people to do it our way, without remembering how the other people do it to achieve the way they did.

and when they cannot do what we expect, we would blame their inefficiency and eventually expressed our letdown to them.

 

in the midst of my anger towards the manager my friend, i too have expectation on him. i expect him to understand my predicament.

already i am tired for working non-stop for 10 full days (except sunday, which is half-day), with my attached engineer doing the same to solve the problem to the best we could.

 

with me expecting him to understand our tiredness, and him expecting us to be perfectionists,

that's where i guess the communication breaks down. i hated him, and he is unhappy with my progress.

 

however, now that i think about it, i have drawn up expectation that was eventually not met.

and instead of letting that go, i let that subdue in my heart. i hated him.

 

so, with now i realize that, i decide - let him be unhappy.

i will show with the result, my best, to him. whether he likes it or not.

 

i decide, to consciously tell myself: my work is accountable only to God alone.

the world may tell me that i did a shitty, half-hearted work. they may say, if i really did just that.

 

but i will not hold back my effort. i will press on. i will also give myself the rhythm to rest.

so that in each of these phase, i will answer to God. not to men.

 

and i pray, that after writing this down, i will remember it everyday.

whenever i got angry, i will remember that eventually i will not answer to them at the end of my days.

 

it is to Jesus. who took up the worst possible death sentence.

to let go of the grip of sentence on me. on people that need to hear Him, and His good news.

 

just a short heads-up.