i hope this will be the last time i am dropping by in japan for work purposes. i have tendered my resignation letter, but i know i need to finish this job before i leave the company. after all this is our proposed idea. so i might as well complete it.
but today, the work is the furthest in my mind. i kept thinking about making a decision. about getting attached. am i in the right condition? i read back my previous blogs, i felt shameful to admit my inadequacies. i kept talking about my problems, my struggles, my reflections. hardly did i ever say that i want to submit God's will in my life.
honestly, to go by feelings, i want to fall in love, especially when i felt this girl was given by God. the night before i cried - God, i had enough. do what You want. the next day i was attracted. but i do know that this could also be a satan's ploy. so i decide to give each other some distance.
but, every night, till tonight, i still think about this relationship. and now we give each other 2 weeks (after i come back from japan) to think of the possibility.
honestly, all i could do, is to submit my heart to God. but i am wrestling with it. it reminded me of Jacob, how he had to wrestle - even to the point of being physical. it was very scary... but i know i had to. i need to submit my heart, but it will take a lot of effort to let go.
i was thinking about how people in my church get in love, and then get married. they seem to have very good and smooth progress. i rarely hear people struggle in their heart whether they will be enticed to serve her more than God. i believe they should, but it seemed like they did it well.
nevertheless, looking at other people is not the point. looking at God is.
i have made my decision. so i am deciding to walk each step in faith. and only God knows. and that's my concern...
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