[autumn]: weaned to the Father

autumn breeze through the crimson sky.
so gentle, so cold.

i look upon the leaves, all those cantaloupe-like,
reminded me of the end.

i strolled on the streets, the reminiscence of history,
mahogany laid the foundations, those huts.

--- --- --- --- ---

i thought about the autumn, and the trip back to the equator,
and much to await for, and much to learn about.

autumn gave me a glimpse of the beauty of the nature,
yet it is, still, but a temporary.

i reflected on the season, as though much hurts come by,
come so soon, too quick to delve into.

it was this season, that i lost my sanity to temptations,
greatest irony of all, is my trust in friendships end this day.

my hurt and pain were at the peak, yet i know not of friends to come by,
to realize how much trust were betrayed, and how much love was denied.

i remembered the hurt of my closest kins, and the words they chose to exhort,
not realizing my sensitive heart was shattered the moment the words got out.

--- --- --- --- ---

when i look at the leaves, now leavened in the streets of Kyoto,
the crimson sky, with the orange-reddish maple leaves decorating the heya.

something like a gentle whisper came to me,
something unearthly, yet gentle came to my senses.

hurts have to come, no doubt, especially when they came at times of trial,
but it was these hurts that taught us to live through to trust.

if it wasn't for the isolation and the loneliness, i wouldn't have appreciated the love of God,
if it wasn't for the separation and betrayal, i wouldn't have understood Jesus' sacrifice.

i learn through adolescence the meaning of life, yet i learned it the hard way,
thinking about how much things were in the past, and how much hurt was carried.

but it was the burden that allowed me to look to the sky,
and faintly remembered the stories i heard in the Sunday school.

and at the brink of my sanity, i say with much contempt:
"Lord, i'll bet on You, and I choose to believe. so help my unbelief"

--- --- --- --- ---

in the season of autumn, an icon of democracy became a symbol of hope in life,
when the less fortunate hope for a dream of freedom and living openly.

i looked, with eyes wet with compassion,
remembering the times, after my dedication - some time later - to lean on the weak.

few years back i worked on some songs,
talked about my struggles in sexual innuendos.

it had been distracting, all these years, with so many concentration on how to live well each day,
forgetting that the purpose in life is not just a self-contempt.

i thought about living, and remembered about the icon in Myanmar,
and i start to remember the years when i strive to fight for injustice, the weak and the burdened.

--- --- --- --- ---

could i look into the eyes of the one who i want to spend the rest of my life with,
and tell her my initial passion for Christ? to live and fight?

i'm weaned like a child, to the Father, in desperate need to look up and not to look around,
to tell myself, let life speaks for itself, not the mouth only.

--- --- --- --- ---

Narration: I was especially kindled within me the heart of compassion that once ignite my heart during my late university years when I watched the news of Aung San Suu Kyi was released and determined to live the passion of liberty in freedom for the country. As I was typing this, I looked into my own reflection, remembering how different I have become.

It was greatly timely, and yet on the same time, I was quite ashamed to think that I have deviated so far. So Lord, take my heart, and lead me to Your way again. Step by step. Thank you Jesus.